I can't be happy like this. - Omnia mutantur, nihil interit.
I can't be happy like this.|
|Date:||December 12th, 2004 06:23 pm (UTC)|| |
I do know what you're feeling. In high school, this feeling prompted me to believe that physical pain was better than the emptiness. Lack of connection! Oh god, yes, and it is simply -not- enough to have people on IM, or over the phone, or through email or LJ. It is imperative to have eyes to look into, hands to touch, voices to feel, tiny little muscles to read.
And making new friends takes so long- far too long to do it without the bootstrapping of already existing friendships. Minutes before I read this, I commented to Erik that I miss having a community of friends. People are not meant to be insular. Maybe some people can do it, but I can't, and you can't, and most people can't. We require a tribe, concentric circles of family, friends, aquaintances, and familiar faces.
And how do we form a new tribe? We're adopted into one, or we start one, or we piece them together from existing fragments. Beyond that, details are sketchy. Do we become friends by exposing our emotions to another person? Do we become friends through common interests and our thoughts thereon? Do we do it by expressing our needs or fufilling their needs? Through a gradual process of "knowing" another person? I don't know.
I wish I could tell you.
I wish I could tell myself.