Kenn (kenoubi) wrote,


Since a year and a half ago (it's not an accident that I choose this rather than a year as the basis for comparison—some of these changes had already begun at that point) there have been several changes in my personality / mode of being, but one huge change that stands out: a drastic increase in my responsibility, both in the sense of those things which I have chosen to take care of and in the sense of those things for which I was always responsible, but on which I “punted” back then.

  • A year and a half ago, my schedule determined when I ate. Food was prepared for me or time slots were allocated for eating without my having to do anything. Now I'm pretty much entirely responsible for when and what I eat.
  • A year and a half ago, I barely brushed my teeth. Flossing was pretty much out of the question. Now I try to brush and floss every day (though I don't always succeed).
  • A year and a half ago, the only bill I paid was my credit card. Even my phone was pre-paid. Now I pay all the bills (cable, gas, electric) for my house, and even if I don't pay the rent most months, I seem to be the one responsible for making sure it actually gets sent. I also pay two credit cards and my cell phone bill.
  • A year and a half ago, while there was a car for which I was primarily responsible, it wasn't in my name, nor was my insurance. Now they both are, and I'm responsible for making sure that repairs happen.
  • A year and a half ago, I barely ever picked up or cleaned. Once in a while my dad would ask me to do the dishes; I would frequently say “sure”, then forget. Now I do probably 80% of the cleaning that happens in my house, both in my own room and in the public spaces. If I don't take out the trash on trash night, it doesn't get taken out. I always load and empty the dishwasher. Etc.
  • A year and a half ago, the only socializing I did was by IM or visiting Charlie. No social opportunities came to me, and I didn't seek social opportunities out. Now I seek them out from time to time, and they approach me more often than I'm able (let alone willing) to take advantage of them.
  • A year and a half ago, I was romantically lonely and frustrated, but did absolutely nothing about it. Since then I've fairly consistently taken action in this direction when I felt it was appropriate and not done so when I didn't.
  • A year and a half ago, my job was the continuation of an internship I'd originally found because my father worked with the spouse of someone at the office. Since then I've become an independent contractor, learned a huge amount about project management and time estimation, and taken my career into my own hands.

Of course, there are still more areas of life in which I could be responsible. I don't have any pets or children yet, for example, nor do I own a house or have enough money that I need to invest it. However, I think I'm just about at the limit of what I can handle in terms of responsibility right now, and that to a certain extent, any new things will have to be outsourced, or I'll have to work out some way to share responsibility for some of the ones I've already got. (I do share responsibility in some areas—often with my father or with Ratha—and I greatly appreciate this, as it's a load off of my mind not to be the only one worrying about these things.)


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