Kenn (kenoubi) wrote,

LJ account; whining; Xmas party; ...

My paid LiveJournal account is about to expire. I've never been a terribly enthusiastic LiveJournal user, and recently I've barely posted at all. The only real benefit I get out of having a paid account, I think, is the extra userpics. I do like them, but do I like them $25/year? Hard to say.

The reason I haven't been posting lately is in part because not much has been happening to me, and in part because I've felt pretty boring lately. These are interrelated, and I know that they form a negative cycle. I've placed a lot more emphasis on responsibility and lack of deceptiveness than I have on excitement and fun lately, and it's wearing down on me. I need to be motivated by the desire to create something neat, but I am constantly bogged down by fear that I will mess up some practical detail (which happens often enough as it is) or that whatever I would do has already been done anyway. These problems are kind of self-perpetuating, though, so I need to figure out a way to move beyond them. On the plus side, my finances do seem to be moving in the right direction.

Friday evening was the company Christmas party. It was fun enough, considering that large parties where I don't know a lot of people are often awkward for me. Saturday, however, I was terribly sick. The alcohol didn't help, but I think the main culprit was all the fish I ate. I've never had a problem with sushi, and I thought if I could get it down I could keep it down, but I was wrong. Live and learn, I guess. I ate nothing on Saturday and slept all day except for when I was throwing up (which I did a number of times). Sunday was somewhat better.

I've had a vague thought for a while that it would be nice to have someone to assist with domestic tasks (cleaning, cooking). I can never keep my apartment as neat as I'd like (though it's not awful) and my dinners are usually pretty boring. But then I look at the prices on even having someone come clean the apartment once in a while and I have second thoughts. Also, people have pointed out to me that there is a security/trust issue.

Seems like the real solution would be to have a (girl?)friend as a housemate…

Hmm. I'm not actually as unhappy as this entry so far seems to imply. Just kind of bored, mostly. I'm looking forward to my Christmas / New Year's vacation a lot. Actually, this whole negativity thing is a mask to conceal the fact that I probably have an incipient crush on shibakiei and that it's kind of neat. But man, it was hard to make myself write that. (Because it makes it a lot more solid and a lot harder to deny. And because I've only met her once, extremely briefly and almost a year ago. And because I've been talking to her a lot and it's been making me happy, and I have an idea that putting premature ideas in black and white might threaten that. Maybe I'll leave it at that for now—an already-good situation that might or might not have further possibilities.) Umm, err… carry on…


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