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Selfishness - Omnia mutantur, nihil interit. — LiveJournal
October 11th, 2004
05:54 pm
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Date:October 12th, 2004 05:11 pm (UTC)

Re: Perfectionism

It all depends on how malicious you perceive people as likely to be.

I think actual malice is quite rare, restricted to psychopaths, cases where someone has the impression he has been deliberately harmed by another and seeks revenge, and a few other limited cases. Apathy combined with selfishness (thus, the desire to suck one dry), on the other hand, I find very common.

The value Kenn derives out of knowing and exchanging with other people may not be the same amount of value that I get out of it. Or, more to the point, he may not value variety of such experience as much as someone like I would.

It's amusing to me that I still can't take statements of this form without feeling slightly insulted. :-)

Seriously, though, I'm not sure that's it either. I do value variety of experience with people, but I don't see any need to value as people all those with whom I interact. In fact, I don't really see all that much cognitive dissonance in interacting with the same person day after day while knowing that if they died I wouldn't care emotionally at all. From statements you've made in the past, it seems like you'd probably find that view crazy, but that's how it seems to me.

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Date:October 12th, 2004 07:36 pm (UTC)

Re: Perfectionism

Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel insulted...

although, I just realized something, and I don't know how you're going to take this. But I thought the "sucking one dry" thing was odd, and I thought the only reason it seemed odd was because I don't remember your talking about it when we were dating even though we discussed social insecurities, but actually, I think now the reason it struck me as odd was because "sucking me dry" was exactly how I described the way you made me feel. And now to hear you talk about it as one of your issues seems exactly backwards. What if through some bizare psychological twist, what we fear from others is exactly what we tend to do to them ourselves?
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